Chapter 11: Paths Diverge, Part 6: Departure

Section 6: Departure

"I do not blame her. Sigh, she has already come to speak with me; Guijianchou has come, Bilian has come, and Zhao Ji and Zhao Tian have come as well. Dozens of old subordinates from the Sunset Sect have all been here. When you speak these words today, I truly do not blame her."

"Since that is the case, why must my husband be this way? Is the Will of the Soul really that important?" Baixing could not fathom it.

"To you, what is most important?"

Baixing thought for a moment and smiled. "Naturally, it is my sister and my husband."

"If, for some reason, you were unable to live with Baiyue, and unable to marry me or even see me, what do you think that would feel like?"

Baixing replied without a second thought, "A fate worse than death!"

"Precisely. That is exactly how I feel."

"We love you, Husband, but you are still..." Baixing’s face suddenly darkened.

"Nonsense." Bu Jingxian smiled and pinched Baixing’s cheek. She pouted, looked up at him, and retorted, "If you love us, why are you unwilling to let go of the Will of the Soul for our sake?"

"I could die for you, but I live for the Will of the Soul. I know you are willing to die for me, and willing to live for me. But your sister is willing to die for me, yet unable to live for me."

Baixing was speechless for a moment. After a long silence, she added, "Actually, I never understood why my sister had to defy your instructions back then. So what if it was the Kingdom of the Will of the Soul? What does it matter?"

"Do you not hate the Undying Soul?"

"I do. But if you want to establish the Kingdom of the Undying Soul, I do not care. If it makes you happy, I am even willing to learn to speak of those daydreaming fantasies like the followers of the Undying Soul, even though I think it’s quite silly." Baixing chuckled as she spoke, leaving Bu Jingxian momentarily stunned.

Indeed, Baixing did not believe in the Will of the Soul; that could not be forced.

"Husband, please, can you not continue like this? My sister feels immense guilt and self-reproach, but she cannot undo her mistake."

"I intend to go out and clear my head. It has been two months; brooding in silence has yielded no good ideas. It would be better to travel; perhaps I will find an opportunity along the way."

"I will go with you."

"I want to go alone."

"I cannot bear it." Baixing hugged his arm, looking up at him with a smile.

"You want me to pull myself together, yet you won't let me go out to clear my head?" Bu Jingxian, knowing her temperament, asked teasingly. Baixing frowned in confusion, pondered for a long time, and suddenly said, "Alright then, your recovering your fighting spirit is more important."

Bu Jingxian had known all along that Baixing would agree.

That evening, when Baiyue heard the news, her reaction was intense. She bit her lip, sat up, and remained silent on the couch for a long time before finally weeping, "You are abandoning us."

Bu Jingxian, who had known Baiyue would be hard to persuade, held her as they lay down and said as gently as possible, "How could you think that? Look, I have spent two months at Changhe racking my brains with no results. Staying cooped up like this not only yields no ideas but also makes you worry. If this continues, I will only become more despondent. It is better to go out and walk."

"I am not Baixing. Tell me, when will you return? Can you give me a date?"

"This... when I find the path to the future, I will return. How could I know the date of my return now?"

"Is this not abandoning us? I do not agree." Baiyue was firm.

Bu Jingxian comforted her softly, "Baixing does not understand my feelings, but you should. I want to go out, firstly to seek news of Lady Li, and secondly to see the current state of the followers of the Undying Soul, hoping to find the path ahead. The greatest pain in life is not loss or failure, but a life worse than death without hope. My current state is not what you desire, nor what I desire. Sitting and watching time pass will never change anything; you must know that."

Baiyue was silent for a long time before turning her back to him. "Actually, I know I cannot stop you. The fact that you still ask for my opinion shows that you still have me in your heart, that you still consider me your wife. I have wronged you in this matter; if you wish to leave, I have nothing to say. I must count it as my own doing."

When Bu Jingxian leaned over to look, he found Baiyue’s face covered in tears, yet she was holding back her sobs. He pulled her to face him and said softly, "Do not be like this. I know that for so long you have suppressed yourself, pretending to support and believe in the philosophy of the Undying Soul, which has been very difficult. At first, you tried hard to accept the establishment of the Kingdom of the Will of the Soul, but when it came to it, you realized it exceeded your limits. I did not know your true thoughts and feelings, so I never considered things thoroughly, and you did not realize how important the Will of the Soul is to me. Thus, I hold no resentment toward you, for I can imagine the deep affection hidden behind your long endurance of such grievances..."

Baiyue burst into tears, holding him tightly and weeping without restraint.

"Husband, I truly did not realize the Will of the Soul caused you such heavy blows and pain. I thought that although you were angry, you would soon let it go..."

Having endured for many days, Bu Jingxian knew Baiyue had long needed to vent her pent-up emotions, so he let her cry. Only by crying and speaking out could her heart feel better.

The next day, Baixing and Baiyue helped him pack. They kept suggesting things to bring—this, then that. When Bu Jingxian laughingly remarked that three carriages wouldn't be enough to hold it all, Baiyue finally cast the items aside. In the end, after much negotiation, he managed to limit himself to only two sets of clothes.

"Let the Zhao siblings go with you," Baiyue persisted, still uneasy, feeling that if he went out alone, he would have no one to serve him.

"There is no need."

Baixing tried to press the White Dragon Sword into his hand. "Then take the White Dragon Sword."

Bu Jingxian sighed deeply and pleaded, "My Lady, please, let me go."

Baixing had no choice but to take the sword back, feeling that her constant demands about it all morning were indeed quite bothersome.

"Then... ride the Black Dragon," Baixing suggested.

"I am traveling to clear my head; horses are inconvenient on many mountain paths, and if I take the Black Dragon, I cannot just abandon it. I have enough money to buy horses as needed; there is no need for the Black Dragon."

"Alright." As she spoke, Baixing held out the White Dragon Sword again. "Then... you should still take the White Dragon Sword."

Bu Jingxian was dumbfounded, caught between laughter and tears.

"Enough, bring me the Black Dragon Sword. It seems you will not let me leave unless I take a fine blade."

Although rebuked, Baixing laughed happily and hurried to have the Black Dragon Sword brought over. "I am only worried that my husband has no weapon for self-defense."

A moment later, the Black Dragon Sword was brought. As Bu Jingxian hung it at his waist and prepared to leave, Baixing grabbed him again.

"Husband, you should still take the White Dragon Sword..."

"Sigh! My Lady, you fear I have no weapon for protection, but I fear even more that you have none!"

"Alright..." Baixing said, then pulled a short sword from her robes. "Then Husband, please take the Star-Moon Dagger; the Black Dragon Sword is not as sharp as this."

Bu Jingxian was truly defeated by Baixing’s persistence and had no choice but to accept it.

As she watched him walk away, Baixing wept sadly. Baiyue comforted her, but she continued to sob, "My husband is going out alone, he doesn't even have anyone to take care of his daily needs..."

"I have already arranged for Zhao Ji to wait for him along the way."