Volume One, Chapter 26: The Heavenly Empress Finally Learned How to Beat Monkeys, Just as She Had Always Wanted

As soon as Bai Qinghe returned home, she found her husband, Liang Bin, sitting at his computer in the study, busy with work.

"Honey, about the live broadcast the day after tomorrow, I still want to remind you..."

Liang Bin's face darkened slightly. "Is it really necessary to remind me over and over again?"

Bai Qinghe sighed, "Li Huangange's live stream today was extremely effective. It would be a huge embarrassment if we can't outperform that gigolo."

"A gigolo?" Liang Bin looked slightly surprised. "Li Huangange's husband is a gigolo?"

Liang Bin thought of Li Huangange’s stunning beauty and devilish figure, and he couldn't help but feel a bit depressed.

"Is he handsome?"

"Yes! How could a gigolo not be handsome?"

Liang Bin chuckled. "I’m an executive at a listed company, after all. Do you really think I can't compare to a gigolo?"

Liang Bin thought the conversation was over and that she would go take a shower and sleep, but he didn't expect Bai Qinghe to make a sudden move. Her eyes became hazy, she pressed her head against Liang Bin’s chest, and her hands began to roam.

"Honey, my 'visitor' has left..."

"..."

"Right here! It's so exciting!"

"Uh... alright then..."

An image appeared in Bai Qinghe's mind. Earlier that day, a certain man had been tilling the vegetable garden in the yard. Now, she wanted to be tilled too.

...

Lin Xiaolu returned home feeling somewhat uneasy; the children were already asleep.

"You're back?" Ji Ming said with a gentle look.

Lin Xiaolu went up and took his hand, looking slightly worried. "Honey, I still have to remind you: make sure your live broadcast tomorrow is flawless."

Ji Ming frowned. "Wife, aren't you looking down on me a bit too much?"

"Li Huangange's husband is a gigolo, but he has many talents, and I can tell that Li Huangange hasn't told him about everything..." Lin Xiaolu said anxiously.

Ji Ming paused, stunned. "What on earth? A gigolo?"

Ji Ming felt annoyed. Do you think I can’t compare to a gigolo?

"I am a Heavenly King, an actor—I know the tricks of variety shows inside and out!" Ji Ming said with displeasure.

Bai Qinghe nodded, but the image of Shen Qi exercising and hoeing the earth suddenly popped into her mind, causing her to feel a bit heated. She grabbed Ji Ming’s hand and placed it on the buttons of her clothes, breathing out like an orchid.

"Honey... hoe me..."

"What do you mean?"

"Treat me like the vegetable garden, and use your 'hoe' to till me..."

"..."

...

The song Shen Qi was singing was indeed a ditty, and he performed it with great emotion. Li Huangange could tell that Shen Qi had a good sense of rhythm, but this wasn't what she was looking for. A "Five-Ring Road" song is just that, and a "Monkey-Beating" song is something else entirely.

"Eh? That sounds good!" Li Huangange lied, offering a compliment. "Do you have anything else?"

Shen Qi even saw the look of anticipation in Li Huangange’s eyes and nodded, switching to another song.

"The little girl picking mushrooms, carrying a big bamboo basket~"

"Barefoot in the morning, walking through the woods and hillsides~"

"She picks the most mushrooms, and dries them on the chicken coop~~~"

"Sai luo luo li sai luo luo li sai~~~"

The melody was cheerful, but Li Huangange didn't understand. "Why dry them on a chicken coop?"

"The village is poor, so that's where we dry mushrooms."

Li Huangange was getting anxious. This song was innocent and pleasant, but it wasn't what she wanted. Mushrooms are mushrooms, but the monkey-beating song is something else.

"Do you have anything... exotic or with an ethnic flavor?" Li Huangange asked more pointedly.

Shen Qi suddenly felt as if Li Huangange was acting like a woman flirting with the man she liked, and he became excited.

"I definitely have that! Let me give you another one!"

"Great!" Li Huangange cheered.

Shen Qi gathered his breath. "The vast horizon is my love, flowers are blooming at the foot of the rolling green mountains!"

"Hmm? No, that's not it..." Li Huangange waved her hand.

"Don't be impatient, it's coming!" Shen Qi seemed to be getting into the groove.

"You are the most beautiful cloud in my sky... don't rush, it's coming right up!"

"Let me use my heart to make you stay!"

"STAY! HERE!"

Li Huangange: "..."

"Singing softly the most dazzling..."

Li Huangange subconsciously reached out to cover Shen Qi's mouth, but he pushed her hand away.

"I told you not to rush! It's coming right now!"

Shen Qi drew strength from his core.

"STAY! HERE!"

"Yo la la la he la bei~ Yi la suo la he la bei la!"

A melodious ethnic tune echoed through the villa's living room. Looking at Li Huangange’s wide-eyed expression, Shen Qi asked proudly, "Did that hit the spot?"

"..."

Shen Xiaokun came down from upstairs, rubbing his sleepy eyes with a look of annoyance.

"Shen Qi! Can you ever stop? During the day you sang about picking manure and beating monkeys, in the middle of the night you sang about the Five-Ring Road and mushrooms, and now you’re singing this 'he la bei' thing so loudly..."

"Hmm? Mommy, you’re back?"

Shen Xiaokun happily dove into Li Huangange’s arms.

Li Huangange was happy too! Finally, the monkey-beating song was mentioned! It had to be Xiaokun. What a good son!

"What monkey-beating song?" Li Huangange asked, feigning confusion.

Shen Xiaokun pointed at Shen Qi as if reporting a grievance. "He sang some monkey-beating song while cooking at home, it sounded terrible!"

"Oh?" Li Huangange looked at Shen Qi with eager eyes. "Can you sing it for me?"

"???"

"Sing it!"

Shen Qi had no choice but to sing:

"Ah Kei ku lei hou ya hou hei~~~"

"Bia li gei Sei~ Hou! Da! Hei!"

"Du lu~ Du lu lu lu~ Du lu du lu lu~~~"

...

"Teach me!" Li Huangange said seriously.

Shen Qi was stunned. "Huh?"

Shen Xiaokun was dumbfounded. "Mom, you're a Heavenly Queen! You..."

"Teach me! Right now!" Li Huangange repeated, dead serious. "Quick!"

...

"Ah Kei ku lei hou ya hou hei~~~"

"Ah Kei ke le hou... ya..."

"It's Ah Kei ku lei hou ya hou hei!"

"Next line!"

"You haven't even learned the previous line..."

"Never mind that! Just the next line!"

"Di da lu gong ga hou da hei~~~"

...

It was a sleepless night.

Shen Xiaokun lay in bed, his mind filled with "monkey-beating" and "gu lu lu." Li Huangange tossed and turned, the addictive melody echoing in her mind. Shen Qi was too happy to sleep, convinced that Li Huangange must be in love with him!

He thought she finally couldn't hide it anymore and was about to confess. He was about to have a meal ticket for life.

The second half of the night passed. Shen Qi knew Li Huangange left early, so he got up early to prepare breakfast.

Li Huangange sighed: such heavy love.

...

Long Aotian drove Li Huangange toward the studio building. Li Huangange wore her headphones, revisiting the "monkey-beating" song she had just learned, and couldn't help but hum along.

"Ah Kei ku lei hou ya hou hei~ Di da lu gong ga hou da hei~~~"

...

"Du lu~ Du lu lu lu~ Du lu du lu lu~~~"

...

While waiting at a red light, Long Aotian turned around with a look of concern.

"Sister Huangange, haven't you had breakfast yet? I just heard your stomach growling."