Chapter 46: To Live Without Guilt

I let out a long breath and sat down directly on the ground. Master and the others hurried over to me. I gave them a slight smile as they looked at me, and for a moment, no one said a word.

After a while, it was Master who finally broke the silence. He ruffled my messy hair and said, “Come on, let’s go home.”

Everyone nodded with joy and helped me to my feet. So, I walked shoulder to shoulder with all my elders. Master understood in his heart that after this battle, Lin Xuan—me—would inevitably set foot on a path of no return.

When we returned to the world of the living, it was already broad daylight. We leaned on each other as we made our way home. Along the way, many passersby pointed and whispered about us. I laughed; with all the wounds and bloodstains covering us, how could we not attract attention? The most awkward part was seeing some office workers, who were rushing to work, stop in their tracks to take pictures of us with their phones.

Master looked at us awkwardly and whispered, “Let’s hurry, or we’ll end up on the news again.”

Everyone nodded in embarrassment and lowered their heads, hurrying back home. When we entered, Yuna was anxiously floating back and forth in the air. Hearing the commotion, she became alert, but when she saw us all battered and bloodied, she rushed over and anxiously asked, “Sir, what happened to you all? Why are you covered in blood?”

Master hobbled over to a bench, sat down with a sigh, and said, “It’s nothing.”

I sighed as well, about to sit on the sofa, but Master stopped me. “Hey, don’t sit on the sofa. If you get it dirty, you’ll be the one cleaning it!”

I paused, glanced at my mud- and blood-stained clothes, scratched my head awkwardly, and sat down next to Master instead. The other elders also took their seats. Yuna, seeing our silence, became even more anxious. “Sir! Lin Xuan! Say something! What on earth happened?”

I looked at Master and the others. The other elders turned to Master as well. He was taken aback, then leaned back in his chair and said, “Why are you all looking at me? All right, I’ll explain.”

He turned to Yuna and said, “Well, we won.”

“Huh? You won? Is the Ghost King Qingchen gone for good?” Yuna asked in disbelief.

Master nodded. “Yes, we won. And it was this brat who took down Qingchen. The rest of us old guys just watched from the sidelines. Tell me, isn’t that embarrassing? We won, but it still feels like we lost face.”

At the end, Master lowered his voice, and everyone turned their heads away. I laughed heartily, saying, “Master, what’s embarrassing about that? Didn’t you say before that the young protect the old?”

No sooner had I finished speaking than everyone turned to glare at me. I shrank my neck, giggled, pointed upstairs, and said, “I’ll go shower. You all talk. Hehe!”

With that, I hurried upstairs, leaving everyone with Yuna. Her curiosity piqued by our victory, she pressed Master for details. He nodded and recounted the whole story, leaving Yuna staring upstairs in astonishment. Meanwhile, I had changed into clean clothes and was fast asleep on my bed.

When I woke, it was already evening. I stretched and went downstairs. Master and the others had changed into fresh clothes and somehow acquired a grill and all sorts of barbecue ingredients. Standing on the stairs, I called out as I walked down, “Master, are you going to grill skewers tonight?”

Hearing my voice, Master looked up and said, “Awake? Good. Come help out—tonight, we celebrate properly.”

I nodded and hurried over to help Master carry the grill into the backyard. Soon, everyone gathered—some brought charcoal, others ingredients. Master was the chef, and once the fire was lit, we set the skewers on the grill. Nearly half an hour later, we were finally feasting. I sat in a chair, devouring a skewer of chives.

The backyard offered a lovely view; from afar, we could see the whole of Yunshan and the city lights at night. We sat together, grilling skewers and chatting happily. After a while, Master suddenly remembered something and said, “Oh right, there’s a case of beer upstairs. Go fetch it, Lin Xuan.”

I nodded and dashed upstairs, carrying down a case of Shancheng Beer, which I placed under the table. Master opened the case and handed a bottle to each of us. “Everyone, though today was exhausting and difficult, our efforts have borne fruit. We didn’t just stop Qingchen; we protected this land. Fighting alongside you all again is my greatest honor. Enough with the grand speeches—eat, drink, and be merry. Cheers!”

At that, everyone raised their bottles and clinked them together. Having never drunk before, even I joined in. After the first round, Master continued, “One more thing: from today on, Lin Xuan officially enters the world of the supernatural. After everything he did today, he’s no longer the inexperienced kid he once was. But in my eyes, he’s still just a little rascal.”

Master glanced at me, and I met his gaze. From his eyes, I could tell something had changed. Perhaps, like a fledgling about to fly solo, the old bird was both anxious and proud. I chuckled, and everyone else laughed as well, raising their bottles for another toast.

We ate and drank until nearly eleven. Elder Chu Feng and Elder Sikong Fan were already dead drunk and had to be helped to bed by Master and me. Meanwhile, Qiyuan, the ghost god, and Yuna were entwined together—Yuna bashfully avoiding him, while Qiyuan shamelessly chased after her. To me, it was all happiness—laughter and cheer filled the house, which, at least for now, felt alive again.

I was flushed from the drink. Having slept all day, I wasn’t sleepy at night. So I climbed up to the rooftop, lay down alone, and gazed at the bright moon. After a while, I heard Master’s voice. Turning, I saw him climbing onto the rooftop as well, carrying two cups and a kettle.

Startled, I said, “Master, are you still drinking? I feel awful. I swear I’ll never drink again!”

Master said nothing as he sat down next to me. Only then did he speak, “Who said this is alcohol? I know you got drunk earlier, so I made you some hangover soup. Here, have a cup.”

He poured me a cup. I took a big gulp, my face wrinkling instantly. “Ugh, Master, what is this? It’s so sour and spicy. Is this some kind of dark magic hangover cure?”

Master laughed. “You’ve been watching too much TV. That’s how hangover soup is supposed to taste. Drink up. Do you want to suffer longer or get it over with? Better short pain than long pain. Go on.”

He handed me another cup. I made a face, pinched my nose, and gulped it down. When he saw I’d finished, Master smiled, “That’s better.”

I put the cup down, shuddered, and said, “I swear I’ll never touch alcohol again. It’s torture.”

Master didn’t reply. He patted the back of my head and lay down on the rooftop. For a long time, neither of us spoke. Master gazed at the stars, his eyes filled with an indescribable sorrow.

I also lay beside him, hands behind my head, recalling the figure I’d seen in my dream. “You are me, and I am you”—that phrase kept echoing in my mind, but I couldn’t fathom its meaning.

After a while, I couldn’t hold back and broke the silence. Looking at Master, I asked, “Master, can I ask you something?”

He turned to look at me, then nodded at the night. I asked directly, “Master, can you tell me why, at that moment, you didn’t resist but chose to give up? Haven’t you always told me to persevere, to live with a clear conscience?”

Facing my question, Master fell silent. I waited patiently for his answer. At last, he spoke, “It’s nothing. I was just tired.”

Such a simple “just tired” left me at a loss for words. As the air grew heavier, Master suddenly continued, “Maybe one day, you’ll feel it too—that time is like a masterful thief, always stealing things away without you noticing: youth, true feelings, a happy life. But we’ve all had our moments of bliss. When that time comes, you have to be ready to lose everything eventually. Life really can’t stand against it.”

As he finished, Master slowly sat up, and I did too, looking at him. He went on, “Some things, I’ve simply seen through. Maybe you think I was cowardly or spineless in that moment—say what you will, I can’t argue.”

I looked at his profile. Time had already left its marks on him; he seemed like an abandoned child. Everyone has moments when they want to give up. We grow up slowly, but in the process, we lose ourselves, let go of the promises we made in our youth, abandon pride and dignity. Time passes too quickly; no one can go back. We do it all for the days to come.

At that moment, I suddenly smiled and said to Master, “Master, you’ve always been the greatest in my eyes. You’re not spineless, nor are you cowardly. Even if others gossip, you are who you are. As long as you have a clear conscience, that’s enough.”